The Silence of Anger and Upset
When my husband and I disagree he gets silent for hours or days, why is that?
It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree at times during relationships.
This is nothing more than your separate views coming to the surface and
colliding. It is inevitable and will occur again so expect it. His silence is
an indicator of his way of dealing with severe disagreement or anger.
at a level that won't allow them to lash out or vent in rage or anger.
They have developed self-control and repress those feelings and the
need to outwardly express them. They walk away and simply won't be
responsive until they have cooled down and can respond sensibly.
This is a good thing most of the time.
Perhaps he has never established a personal pattern or method for the
expression of disagreement or anger, especially with his spouse. Now
he simply shuts himself off at that point rather than venture into the
uncharted territory of such conversation. This is not really a good thing.
Finally, it is possible that the way he has adopted is to internalize the
feelings. This can be very detrimental to the relationship because both
people are not getting their thoughts out into the open and it can be
bad for his health and mental state to hold on to and continue to run
these thoughts and their associated feelings through his mind and
emotional processes. People can hold on to such feelings for years.
Sit down and ( empathetically ) ask him to share his thoughts and
feelings at those times. If he has self-control he will be willing to
continue once the extreme emotions have died down some. If not
it is possible that he cannot and that will take a little more effort on
your part as you gradually coax him to come out with his thoughts.
Never push or ( hound ) him over this. Gentle requests to share are
all that is required. Pushing someone often makes them move away
in the opposite direction from the irritation of your pushing efforts.
Tags career, children, education, family, goals, life, motivation, parenting, parents, personal excellence, personal development, personal growth, relationships, self help, self-improvement, self improvement, success, teaching, teens, thoughts
It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree at times during relationships.
This is nothing more than your separate views coming to the surface and
colliding. It is inevitable and will occur again so expect it. His silence is
an indicator of his way of dealing with severe disagreement or anger.
- He has learned to control his anger and feelings of disagreement.
- He doesn't know what to say or how to express his response.
- He internalizes his feelings and holds on to them for a long time.
at a level that won't allow them to lash out or vent in rage or anger.
They have developed self-control and repress those feelings and the
need to outwardly express them. They walk away and simply won't be
responsive until they have cooled down and can respond sensibly.
This is a good thing most of the time.
Perhaps he has never established a personal pattern or method for the
expression of disagreement or anger, especially with his spouse. Now
he simply shuts himself off at that point rather than venture into the
uncharted territory of such conversation. This is not really a good thing.
Finally, it is possible that the way he has adopted is to internalize the
feelings. This can be very detrimental to the relationship because both
people are not getting their thoughts out into the open and it can be
bad for his health and mental state to hold on to and continue to run
these thoughts and their associated feelings through his mind and
emotional processes. People can hold on to such feelings for years.
Sit down and ( empathetically ) ask him to share his thoughts and
feelings at those times. If he has self-control he will be willing to
continue once the extreme emotions have died down some. If not
it is possible that he cannot and that will take a little more effort on
your part as you gradually coax him to come out with his thoughts.
Never push or ( hound ) him over this. Gentle requests to share are
all that is required. Pushing someone often makes them move away
in the opposite direction from the irritation of your pushing efforts.
Tags career, children, education, family, goals, life, motivation, parenting, parents, personal excellence, personal development, personal growth, relationships, self help, self-improvement, self improvement, success, teaching, teens, thoughts
"Never push or ( hound ) him over this."
this is the advice that I think is most helpful and most needed. So many of the Love & Relationships questions on FunAdvice could be solved if people used this simple approach. We are too quick to get angry and emotional.
If you are able to answer any questions for us, we'd love to have you.
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